I have been living in Colorado for 8 years now and go on hikes often; as much as the weather allows me to. I can't get enough of the clarity of mind and general well-being that comes to me when I am immersed deep into the mountainous forests. As an avid recreational athlete, I knew I was ready to take my cushy hiking style to a whole other level and so, I set out to climb my very first fourteener. For those of you who are not familiar with this term, it is alpine jargon for a mountain peak with an elevation of at least 14,000 feet. Intimidating but also enticing.
When we arrived, it was windy and cold as expected, and I was grateful for my extra jacket, beanie and gloves. We started the hike, and I was psyched and already inspired by the beautiful views. I examined the terrain and for the first hour or two, the climb was strenuous and intense, yet still reasonable. As it started to get more complex, I found myself having to look twice for stable stepping-stones and sturdy rocks to hold on to. Wende reminded me that I needed to trust my shoes, as they have great traction, but I found that hard to do. Every step felt like it could be the last one, and I didn't tell her then, but I was in panic mode. I looked down and quitting at that point seemed impossible. I also looked up and the summit still seemed far. The wind was picking up as we got higher, and there even were a couple of times when it felt like it could wipe us out entirely. My focus here, was not to fall and I decided that the smartest thing to do was to just take it one step at a time.
After a couple more hours of climbing, we ran into a delightful woman from Sweden, Camilla, who was braving it alone. She seemed so calm and collected, as did my friend Wende. Me? I was not showing it, but I was still scared. We were now a trio of courageous women attempting to summit Mount Evans, and not long after running into Camilla, we finally did. The view was breath-taking. The Rocky Mountains extended as far as our eyes could see and the feeling of being up there was indescribable; especially knowing that we had gotten up there with our own two feet and hands. No gondola or paved road. Just us. It was surreal, and we sat down at the very top to eat a quick lunch and take in the views. We had to rush a bit as all three of us had to pick up our kids from school and I thought about how lucky we were that we get to fit in these adventures whenever we want to. This magnificent setting, I thought to myself, is my backyard. Wow!
After our quick and deserved break, we started to head down. I was dreading this part, as the descent is usually tougher for me. There were lots of loose rocks and every step was unstable and slippery. Trusting my shoes, my steps, the rocks where I stood and taking leaps of faith was key here and this time around I was also dealing with muscle fatigue and pain in my knees. Not falling became my top priority again and I focused on each step. Wende was incredibly patient with me, and she offered her help every step of the way. I laugh about it now, although it was not funny then, but I admit that a big portion of our descent, I did by sliding down on my butt. More like a crab-walk, which accounts for the sore back and arm muscles I had the following day. But I really didn’t care about anything else other than feeling safe and not falling down the mountain.
After this steep and intense descent, we had made it back to our starting point and had completed the Mount Evans and Mount Spalding Loop Trail. I never felt happier about walking on flat and smooth terrain. We had made it! Five hours and five miles later, I had my first fourteener in the bag and I felt extremely grateful, proud, exhilarated, accomplished and exhausted, all at the same time. We went back to Evergreen, picked up our kids and went home to take the whole experience in. The days after the hike, I was still thinking about it and I knew it deserved deeper analysis. It definitely deserved writing about it, so that I could discern all of it more clearly.
I thought about how Wende kept offering her helping hand and how I hesitated. I always do this in my life and I am curious to learn why it’s so darn difficult for me to ask for and receive help. I noticed too that I have a hard time in trusting my own steps; I waver and look for the sure-fire way to accomplish something, as opposed to taking leaps of faith more often. I also came to the realization that, as Robert Frost said, the best way out is always through. Aside from getting airlifted out of that mountain, going through with the climb, was the only way out. As in life sometimes, I wanted the shortcut; I wanted to avoid the hardship because it felt like I would not make it out alive, but as we all have learned, more often than not, we do come out alive from life’s struggles; alive and kicking! I equally noticed that practicing mindfulness in activities like these is crucial and it can be a form of meditation; focusing and zooming in on each rock that I held onto and each step that I took is an awareness exercise that not only was essential to not falling down the mountain; it also helped me savor the climb, as opposed to hate it. I could have focused on worrying about what could happen if I fell or regretting ever getting on the mountain in the first place; but that would have made the climb miserable, even dangerous, and it would have gotten me nowhere. Ultimately, I also was pleased to recognize in myself valuable traits, like resilience, courage, strength, adaptability, an easy going approach to life and a deep sense of wonder and amazement.
These observations are valuable, because they can be compared to how we live our lives; to putting ourselves out there and to being vulnerable to all that could happen. I certainly am not the same person that I was five years ago, or even a month ago. The next time that I embark on climbing a mountain, I hope to be more trusting, more willing and able to ask for help and a little less afraid. I know for a fact that I will wear thick and sturdy pants in case I need to butt-slide my way down again and although I cannot know with certainty what the outcome of each climb will be, I will try to show up for each one with an open heart and mind. I certainly won't be the same woman that climbed Mount Evans on that late summer day, and for now, I will work on the constructive lessons that I learned on this one, my very first fourteener and anxiously await and look for another epic adventure to come my way.
Initially I thought that the biggest thing that I would walk away with after this experience was an incredible sense of accomplishment, awe-inspiring views and beautiful pics. I was wrong; I walked away with so much more. Even when the struggle overtone in the term “scrambling” remains, to me, it lost its negative connotation as I can now see how it is only through our struggles that we can attain growth, strength, appreciation, triumph, courage and much more. Facing our fears and showing up for life is courageous in itself; it will surely involve struggling, straining and wearying, and this is, in fact, not a bad thing.
The mountain was my master on that day and for this reason alone, I invite you to climb yours; take that trip, join that new class, complete that race, take on that new hobby, learn that new job, put yourself out there and do that one thing that scares you the most. Yes, you will be exposed and vulnerable and afraid and maybe even alone at some point, but I can assure you of one thing; you will feel more alive than ever before.
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Like many of us, I like to think of myself as a kind person; I donate to charities; I open and hold the door for people, I give up my seat to someone that looks like they could use it more than me and I always try to help in the best possible way when someone reaches out to me. Nothing extraordinary; I simply try to be a decent human being. I pat myself on the back every now and then for doing my part and feel pretty good in general about giving and exposing my kids to good examples regarding kindness, generosity and warm-heartedness. On this beautiful Saturday I got to meet Susan, my booth neighbor, who graciously let me share her story with you. And so, when the market was over, I could not wait to get home and tell my kids about her and about the other amazing people that I met that day.
Susan is a retired empty nester who lives in Denver with her husband. As she states, she now has extra time on her hands. She also has a good friend who is an interior decorator, and what she has is extra upholstery fabric. They were talking one day, and her friend was telling her how she always ended up with unused extra fabric from her projects and how she wished there was a way that it could get utilized as opposed to just discarded. Our good friend Susan knows very well how to handle a needle and thread and so she asked her friend to give her all the fabric leftovers that she had. She started to design and sew beautiful handbags and now attends local markets where she sells them for $20 and donates the entire profit to organizations that need it.
Susan’s story made a big impression on me. When I asked her why she did this, she simply replied, “Because I can. And because it’s my turn to give back as I have been very lucky in my lifetime and always had everything I needed.” Again, I was humbled, moved and inspired, and came home feeling incredibly lucky for having met her. Yes, her answer made sense; she does it because she can, but she doesn’t have to. She could be doing so many other things now as a retired person, and yet she chooses to do this, without getting anything in return, except for maybe the satisfaction that she must feel in knowing that she is “doing her part”. I don’t know about the sewing process, but I do know that these events are hard work. You have to set up your booth, a lot of the times you have to brave the elements (on this particular day, it was extremely hot), you don’t get a lunch break and pretty much are on your feet all day. As a vendor and maker, I do it because I am passionate about my products and venture, and because I love the interaction with my clients. BUT I also make a profit in the end; Susan doesn’t. Amazing, isn’t it?
I knew I had to share Susan’s story and the story of people who organize events like Craft, but I wanted to do it in a way that will evoke hope, inspiration and optimism in a world that seems to have lost its ability to be compassionate and where most people are cynics to what is happening around us. I think that telling these stories is vital because we all have to believe that there is more to humanity than what we see happening in the news every night; and there is. I will not end this post asking you if you could be doing more; I know I could. The point here is not to induce guilt or even to compare ourselves with altruistic humans like Susan. I will simply say that running into people who so generously and unselfishly give their time and effort like this to good causes like Crafted are what keep, at least me, inspired, hopeful and motivated to believe that most of us humans, can indeed be awe-inspiring and extraordinary when we want to be. And I also simply want to express my gratitude to these beautiful Coloradans who truly are making a difference in this big and beautiful world of ours.
Thank you, Susan, from me and from everyone that benefits from your generosity. Thank you Crafted and Party B Cause for bringing together amazing humans and causes like these. And thanks to all who read and will share this post. I for one, will take their testimony with me and take a turn, like Susan does now, to be more generous, kind and warm-hearted.
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The first time was when I graduated high school and started my college education. I remember how scared I was of the change itself and how terrified I was of making a mistake in choosing the right career path. I started binge eating and really didn’t even know what to make of it. As I eased into my college life, the bingeing slowly started to stop until food was no longer an issue for me.
The second time was when I got married and moved from Mexico to the United States 17 years ago, and gained a whopping 45 lbs. Some weight gain was to be expected as there was going to be a massive change in the way I ate, but 45 lbs. seemed a bit excessive. I remember how uneasy I felt at the time. As you may have already noticed by now, I don’t react very well to big life changes. And so, what I did again, was eat. A lot. To the point where my rib cage hurt, and I felt physically ill. My emotional state suffered an even bigger blow than the physical one; I would feel guilty, ashamed and trapped in a vicious and self-destructive cycle because I would then go and try to drown these uncomfortable feelings with even more comfort food. As my new marital status in a new country started to sink in, my need to overeat went away and I was once again felt relaxed around food and eating. But I didn’t really do any work to examine why this had happened yet again.
The third time, I was getting divorced. Needless to say, this was another huge life event that was going to bring about several fundamental changes into what had become my “comfortable” and “under control” life. Again, I started having binge-eating episodes that would leave me even more devastated than before, because this time I was dealing with very deep self-esteem issues, and as you can guess, this was not at all helpful. Also, this time around I had two beautiful kids to look after, and I always worry about setting a good example for them. I was hiding all kinds of junk food and would have my secret binge eating sessions when they were asleep.
Throughout these trying times, I noticed that I felt like I was somehow broken and desperately wanted to get “fixed”. I was convinced that something had to happen in order for me to get cured from my overeating issues and I didn’t even know what to look for. I harshly berated myself for not having that much wanted self-control and for not having the will power to stop bingeing. Of course, I tried every single diet and quick fix available to me and was always on the lookout for the new and promising diet fad, thinking this was a self-discipline problem. I would successfully follow a strict diet plan for a few weeks, and then I would crash back to bingeing, even worse than before because by now I was feeling deprived and still had that emotional void that had to be filled somehow.
What makes it all worse is the modern visual culture and how we are constantly being bombarded with photoshopped and airbrushed images of bodies, complexions and physiques that are not real and don’t apply to the vast majority of the population. This has not changed a whole lot, as I can remember from my teenage years how perfect all the models in the magazines looked. What has changed however, is the accessibility that we have to these images of perfection nowadays and the emergence of the internet and social media expose us to this type of visuals more than ever before.
Attached to these visuals of perfect physiques are all of the techniques and ways to achieve that ideal weight or perfect body. From diet plans, to exercise to medications, there is a huge market for these products. The weight loss industry nowadays is worth 66 billion, and they don’t like leaving anyone behind when it comes to clientele. I was a teenager in the nineties and vividly remember how dietary fat was demonized in those times. Nobody was really talking about sugar or carbs. This is not the case at all nowadays; in fact, dietary fat is glorified and praised and things like avocados and nuts have never been more popular. I am not a nutritionist or dietitian, and yet I know these things because I have always been a health and well-being fanatic. And so I research these fields and try to learn what is out there. And I don’t remember of a single time when I encountered a program that also addressed the body mind connection and that provided healing on a level that went beyond the physical one. I also noticed that this diet culture attaches moral values to certain foods or lifestyles. For example, you are “super good” if you eat kale and drink Kombucha, and you are “super bad” if you eat Cheetos and drink diet Coke. You are “super good” if you are a size zero and “super bad” if you are anything above a size 8. When did our food choices and our bodies start giving us such good or bad reps? It certainly beats me. Diet culture also wants us to believe that we can always loose a few extra pounds and that our true health relies merely on how we look, as opposed to how we feel; physically, mentally and emotionally.
My soul-searching quest began over a decade ago, somewhat parallel to the third time this challenge presented itself. I started to do a lot of soul searching and healing work on a different and deeper level; I became a Reiki Master and became certified to lead “Heal Your Life” workshops based on the philosophy of Louise Hay. I obtained my Herbalist certification after completing an Integrative Herbology course that combined Ayurveda with western herbology and I also did an online course called “Transform your Relationship with Food” from the Institute for the Psychology of Eating and this last one tied everything together for me. Through this pioneering work, I obtained a more holistic view of myself that I had never considered before and I finally understood how deep the mind body spirit connection really is and how certain symptoms sometimes show up in our lives to teach us something.
I have learned that there is much more than just facts and numbers on a scale when it comes to nutrition and when it comes to true NOURISHMENT. I truly believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and as so, we have emotions, feelings, thoughts and ideas and all of that has to be taken into consideration when addressing any type of issue.
In my individual case, food and my bad relationship with it at those times, was there to teach me to be more open, less rigid and to feel more comfortable during those “uncomfortable” times of uncertainty. It taught me how to feel my feelings instead of just numbing myself to them or cancelling them out with food and issues around it; it taught me to live a life where I am present and mindful, as opposed to just running on autopilot and going through the motions unaware of what is really going on. It taught me to flow and accept the cycles in my life, even if this means going through some of them with some extra weight; maybe, on an energetic level I needed that extra weight to “cushion” the fall; it has taught me to truly let go of attachment and learn to flow more easily, because in the end, nothing is permanent, not even the good times; it has taught me that nothing and no one is perfect and therefore I can be more compassionate towards myself and others. Self-love and acceptance have a new meaning for me and I now honor my body and my journey in ways that I never did before.
Am I “fixed” or “cured”? you might ask. The answer is no. Because there was nothing that needed to be cured or fixed to begin with. In my desperate attempt to make heads or tails of what was happening in my life, I disordered my eating habits to symbolically cope with the intense fear that I had to uncertainty. I was creating nutritional deficiencies by bingeing on all the wrong foods that I thought would give me comfort at the time and was left starved for real nutrition. I was not listening to the wealth of intelligence that is my own body and was ignoring all of its cues. I was making food and my own body the enemies and ignored the fact that I just needed to be mindful of what was happening to me: I needed to feel my feelings; mourn the loss of a relationship and cry over it, dwell in my own sadness and uncertainty and let the paralyzing fear run through my entire body, and just be there for every single feeling and emotion that was going through me.
So, no. I am not cured or fixed. I am an ever evolving being whose learning curve is in constant motion. And the more I live and experience and let go of trying to control everything, the more I learn and the more I get to enjoy this journey that we are all in. Nothing is perfect, life is chaotic and messy and we are always changing and evolving, and that is ok.
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Wounds, pain, suffering, sadness. They are all inevitable parts of the human experience. They all bare so much weight on our existence because in the end, they help mold who we are. They define us and leave marks that will determine how we act and react in the future. And they allow us to look deeper within ourselves and question our role and place in this life and universe.
Do you ever wonder what the point of our human suffering is? Or if there is one at all? There could be many arguments to this point, many valid ones and some not so much. Regardless of why bad stuff happens to us and what it means to each person individually, I can only talk from the perspective of my own experience and what it has meant to me. For now I won’t go into the "why" as much. So far, the only thing that I can say with certainty is that difficult situations and/or feelings need to be dealt with; we have to live them, feel them, face them and then move on; renewed, stronger and with a different view of the world. Needless to say, if we were given the choice, we would always try to avoid the dark, lonely, sad and painful place we all find ourselves in sometimes. It’s obvious that we would not want to go there because some of these feelings are too scary and intense. But we have to understand that, like a virus, we have to just let them run its course. Feelings are simply meant to be, well; felt. And then released, but not before we have allowed ourselves to experience and feel them.
It is worth mentioning that it is our very survival instinct that sometimes might lead us to avoid feeling these things, and it can then offer the use of coping mechanisms to drown them out, like overworking, food, alcohol, over socializing, drugs, undereating, excessive partying, excessive exercising and/or isolation. This is normal, and if you didn’t feel at least tempted to reach out to some form of numbing therapy, you would be the odd one out. And it’s okay to just get away in your head and your body sometimes and take a break from whatever is tormenting you. But in the end, it’s never the best idea to keep using these to hide from what’s keeping you up at night. It just isn’t, and you probably already know this. At the very least I can tell you that it hasn’t worked out well for me.
As a side note, I would like to add that it is very easy for me to write about this now; I am in a good place, today. A very different state than that of waking up at 3 in the morning with a pain so deep and profound that you can hardly breathe. A pain that gives you anxiety beyond belief because, for a moment, it seems that this is how you will feel for the rest of your life and you can’t help but panic and sink deeper into that darkness. You feel empty, alone, miserable, even cold in your warm bed and nothing gets rid of this awful sensation. Eventually, after several hours of not being able to go back to sleep, you notice the sun rising again; it’s finally dawn, and although you still feel bad, you know that you won’t be alone in a dark place for the next 12 hours or so… Yes, it is easy for me to say that and write about it now. But, like many of us, I have already had a stroll in hell and have exchanged defiant looks with the darkest of hours to know that, as they wisely say, the sun does rise and there really is such a thing as hope.
You may be wondering; after the sun rose and maybe after a few days of giving into the pain and suffering and really allowing our bodies to deeply sink into them; then what? What comes next? Aside from being grateful that they have passed, and believe me, they always do, what are you left with? Do you feel like a broken mess in such fragility that you barely make it out the door? Or did you find renewed strength, appreciation and gratefulness for having passed that difficult challenge with flying colors? Are you just happy with the fact that you are still standing? Whatever that difficult moment did to you, it definitely left you a changed person. It may have pointed you to the fact that you are stronger than you thought you were, or maybe it showed you exactly what you will allow going forward to come into your life and what you won’t. Maybe it made you realize how precious every moment on this earth is and/or maybe it left you a little scared, scarred, bruised and untrusting. In whatever way the wave left you after it knocked you over, let me assure you that it left you a bigger, better, more beautiful and complete version of yourself. The pain gave you a deeper insight of who you are and showed you exactly what you are made of and what you are worth. It literally let the light in so that you could see stuff that maybe you weren’t seeing before. And because of this, you are now more beautiful than ever. You trusted the process and gave in; you hung in there and just went with the flow, whatever this meant at the time and you made it back out on the other end. Trust me, you are not broken; you have been embellished. Like the Japanese art of Kintsugi where smashed pottery is repaired using beautiful seams of gold. Your beauty and worth now lies in your wisdom, in your damaged parts and in your imperfection. Your light shines from within; it came in through your wounds and now you are a reflection of this profound process.
Personally, my hardships have taught me many lessons and have changed me and the way that I view the world in many ways; I am now a more mindful person and I try to look beyond what my vision immediately focuses on. I say yes more often to things that I probably would never have thought of doing before. I am more compassionate of other people and really understand the importance of always being kind because, small or big, we are all going through stuff. I try to find pleasure in even the most tedious of things and I try to truly utilize my time wisely, as opposed to wasting it in silly things that have no real value in the end. I appreciate the good moments in this life, because they too, pass. And I try to share as much as I can, the strategies and tips that helped me through the rough times, because some of them were life-savers for me. Although I had been preparing for it for a long time, I can also say that what I do now with Azomalli, flourished from a very difficult place; a little like how a lotus flower begins to grow at the bottom of a swampy and turbid pool and emerges toward the surface into a beautiful bloom. And several amazing things have come from it, including valuable friendships and connections and hopefully a worthy example to my kids that will, in some way, guide them through if they ever feel lost or in doubt. I now know who I am, and although this will probably keep changing as we are ever evolving creatures, I know my worth and value. And these are all things and lessons that I probably never would’ve done or learned if it wasn’t for the hard times.
I would like to be so bold as to invite you to give in. Every time. With the big feelings and the little ones. It’s ok. Let the pain and the suffering point you in the direction of what they are here to show you; allow yourself to feel bad, sad, to have off days, to cry, to not leave your bed for an entire day. And try to hang out with people during these times that will simply hold a space for you to do so. After all is said and done, you will realize that it did have a purpose; there really is a silver lining. For me, this has been the case, and as much as I dread these days, I now accept and welcome them because now I know that those too, shall pass.
I took my prepubescent son to his first concert the other day and we watched “Imagine Dragons” give a powerful performance of their famous “Believer” song; one of my faves. I shamelessly admit that I did my homework before the concert and tried to learn it word for word. Because, who wants to be at a concert and not know the lyrics…? but mostly just because I wanted to impress him (I repeat; shamelessly). And to my surprise, the lyrics resonated with me on a deep level. I would now like to leave you with just a small part where it is summed up in a much cooler way what I tried to express in this long post:
“Pain; you made me a believer.
You break me down, you build me up, believer.
Oh, let the bullets fly, oh let them rain
My life, my love, my drive it came from
Pain.”
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I just recently ran a long-distance race; my very first one. I have been exercising out of sheer pleasure for years, but never signed up for a race before. I love running and I just told myself to do my best, but mostly to enjoy it. The race started and as I noticed some of the runners pass me by, I started to pick up my speed to an uncomfortable pace. I quickly caught myself and went back to my happy place, but this behavior turned into a competitive pattern throughout the race. You may be thinking that there is nothing wrong with that and I would tell you that there is. Because this is not just a healthy competitive mindset or someone just trying to do their best. This is the mental pattern that goes on inside the mind of a perfectionist and it is not a pretty one. In situations like these, there is a nagging voice deep inside me that says; “You can do better than this. You can run faster. You can beat the other runners. You can run a perfect race.” And while still, this might look pretty normal to you, it is not. Because of the extra stress that I put myself through when it was completely unnecessary to do so and because of all the nasty feelings that I am left with after everything is said and done. I did get to enjoy the race in the end, but it was harder than I thought it would be. Because I was all in my head about running “the perfect race”. About doing “perfectly well”. And that was not the point at all. Instead of feeling super accomplished in the end -which I did, regardless-, I left scolding myself a little for not being faster. And that to me, sucks!
Have you ever stopped to realize how inappropriately the word “perfection” is overused? I know I have carelessly used the term several times with my kids when I want them to strive for excellence. I sometimes find myself using the phrase “practice makes perfect” and I now realize just how demoralizing, shallow and unattainable that term really is.
We are imperfect beings by nature and definition. We live in a world that is far from perfect and we all lead imperfect lives as the beautifully flawed humans that we are. Why do we demand and idolize perfection then -from ourselves and others-, when it is clearly unattainable, and furthermore, damaging even to our performance and motivation? Why are we being told every day, in several different ways (mostly media) that anything less than perfect is not worth it?
For the sake of this article, I will repeat this inevitable truth: Perfection doesn’t exist. It’s an illusion and it only sets us up for failure. Every time. I know you’ve heard this before, but allow yourself a few minutes for it to really sink in.
This is something that I constantly have to remind myself of. I need to know this because when I truly understand that even my best result will never be perfect, I free myself from always feeling like I failed, which can lead to frustration, anxiety, depression, fear of making mistakes, never trying anything new and even procrastination and poor performance. When you keep disappointing yourself with unachievable standards, eventually your mental health is impacted negatively, and your self-esteem suffers a hard hit. You also start to become alienated because your excessively high standards are applied to everything and everyone and nothing and no one are ever good enough. Because nothing and no one are perfect.
I simply need to understand that good enough is, well, good enough.
Yes, sometimes being this way has helped me give that extra push, but it has never really given me peace of mind. Because giving that extra push meant I spent worrying excessively over something for days, feeling anxious about the end result and feeling terrified of failing. Peace of mind is a luxury that doesn’t come easy to me these days and sometimes it’s all that I long for. Logically, I would tell myself; if you give it your all, you will feel at peace. But I don’t. See where being a perfectionist is never a good thing?
Perfectionism is valued and reinforced by our culture too. Our modern world has become very visual, polished, edited and photoshopped and our brains tend to trust and believe in everything that our eyes see. The internet, social media and everything in between always portray an image of perfection that can sometimes leave us feeling like there is something wrong with us; we are wrong for not having the ideal job, or the perfect house, family or partner; it can lead us to punish ourselves for not having the “perfect body” and we question our “likeability” for not having the cool friends or the impeccable taste in food and /or clothes. You might think; ‘this never happens to me’. But at a subconscious level, it does. One of my favorite quotes from Mary Schmich’s commencement speech and Baz Luhrmann’s lyrics to the song “Wear Sunscreen” is this; -do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly-. Can you relate?
I have had several life lessons that have slowly opened my eyes to these truths about myself and I can tell you that “recovery” from perfectionism has not been easy. I have gone to therapy, developed wellness tools, and even made it the core of my professional practice to find ways to cope with this negative self-talk. I cautiously don’t want to deepen on the subject of depression, because I am far from being an expert. I can only talk from my very own experience. And what I find is that talking about these issues and uncomfortable feelings with others is not an easy thing to do. Mental health is something that we should be able to discuss more openly, and I encourage anyone reading this article to seek help if you feel like you need it or reach out to someone who you might think needs it. We have to stop stigmatizing it; there is nothing wrong with us for not feeling great or “happy” all the time. And there are things that we can do to help ourselves and others. So, let’s do them and let’s start having more of these conversations.
I can tell you that this personality trait has brought me anguish, depression, anxiety, shame, self-doubt, tremendous fear of making mistakes, of being embarrassed, of being rejected and so much more. And these things that I feel myself, I may regrettably have made others around me feel about themselves. And that is the very last thing I would ever want to do. Especially to my loved ones; my peeps. If I ever made anyone reading this right now, feel any of these negative and demoralizing feelings, know this: it was never ill-intended, and it has been more crippling to myself than you will ever know. I deeply apologize if I ever did.
I now try to set realistic standards for myself and everyone else and also try to purposely be somewhat “careless” in certain areas that don’t really matter. I try to be ok with the fact that life is hard, some people are bad, hatred exists and sh!t happens. Reminding myself of this and working towards ridding myself of the negative self-talk has been instrumental. Focusing on the big picture and understanding that the big lessons come to us when we mess up, has been key to my recovery. I no longer chase happiness in perfection and I hope that my ‘coming out’ with these truths can make at least one person relate and maybe start them on their way to a better place mentally and emotionally. I hope that you are nothing like me in this perfectionist sense and I hope that you embrace your imperfection, because in it lies the beauty and magic of life itself.
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Do you sympathize? When you are at your busiest, does the thought “slowing down” even cross your mind? Do you secretly sneer at the idea of sitting down to enjoy a decent meal when deadlines are rolling down on you like snow balls in an avalanche? How about taking a stroll through the park? Would you even consider taking 10 minutes to prepare and enjoy a cup of tea? Most times, I wouldn’t have. And even when I could make it happen, it just seemed like a waste of precious time.
If you nodded and agreed with any of the things described above, keep reading; you might find this helpful. If you have never been there and have always known about the importance of taking it slow; and better yet, if you practice this on your daily life, then congratulations! You are amongst the few who understand the quote “we’ll get there faster if we take it slow”.
You see, life is filled with little, medium and big challenges. Of all shapes, colors and sizes. Some are fun, some are not. Some are indispensable, some are not. Some we can get over with ease and some others, not so much. Life sometimes feels like a breeze and others, like a hurricane. How do you react when the going gets tough? How do you function when you are under pressure? And if you are not under pressure, do you always find the self-discipline to keep moving forward? Have you had situations in your life, when you know you could have done something better if you had just taken the time to stop and evaluate your progress every now and then? Do the same life lessons keep showing up? Maybe if you had stopped to look around, you would have seen and understood things that you didn’t see and could not grasp then.
We live in a culture where everything is tailored for the “hustler in a hurry” it seems. Fast food restaurants are tailored to snarf up your lunch in less than 20 minutes. There’s more than enough coffee shops around to make sure we are caffeine-fueled and convenience in every aspect is reaching a point that is almost ridiculous. Very few people take the time to cook a decent meal, to shop for it and to question where the ingredients come from. Traditions are being lost in the name of being “practical” and while we are “better” in a lot of aspects including technology and advancements, it seems we are lacking in other areas.
I come from a culture where the work ethic is parallel to none; I “work like a Mexican”, and I can say that (wink). But I have also learned about the importance of taking it slow, of being aware and of actually living your life, instead of rushing through it.
If you are or have ever been my client, you probably know my philosophy and products and all that I try to promote with them. You may know that the word Azomalli is an Aztec word that means “peace, calm, tranquility”. You may also know that I passionately formulate herbal tea blends that promote well-being and that are sold full leaf, not only because it makes for a better cup of tea, but also because it encourages the “slowing down” effect.
I have had people ask me why I don’t bag my tea. And the answer is this; I want my clients to be able to slow down while they infuse their cup of tea. I want them to be able to see the herbs they are about to consume, to absorb and enjoy the beautiful colors and textures, the amazing aromas and to take an active part in this simple, yet profound ritual. I want to be able to aid in the exercise of taking it one sip at a time.
My dad used to tell us; life is like a long train ride that will take you to many different places. Every now and then, you need to step down and observe where you are, before you can move on to the next station. The train will gain as much speed as you allow it to, and it’s your job to make it slow down every now and then for evaluation, contemplation and enjoyment. That didn’t make much sense to me, until now.
I have come to realize that time doesn’t stand still. And the older I get, the faster it goes. You can’t “save” time; you can either use it and make the best of it, or you can waste it. Because either way, it will not stop for you, or me or anyone. So, we better enjoy it while we have it.
At the end of my life, I want to be able to say that I actually lived it, not that it passed me by. I want to know that I was aware and present for most of it, and that I did take time here and there to step down from the train.
I still catch myself sometimes taking mindless showers while running on autopilot where at the end I have to make an effort to remember if I washed my hair or not; or making plans in my head while trying to listen to my kids tell me about their day; or missing sleep because I had something that just could not wait until the next day. It’s a daily practice to try to slow down when you live in a culture that applauds the “hustler” and “overachiever” and that encourages a lifestyle that is constantly “on the go”. I have finally come to understand why I can actually get anywhere faster if I slow down a bit, and when I catch myself driving like a maniac in the fast lane again, I gently pull myself out, take a deep breath and make myself a cup of tea. Deadlines will still be met, errands will still get done and tasks completed and in a much more calm and efficient way; and I will surely be a happy camper in the middle of all chaos because I took it one sip at a time. Wouldn’t you want the same for you and your peeps?
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Thinking about these principles, brings out the importance of consuming organic and ethically sourced products that support the local communities and that are socially responsible in how they are produced. The process is just as important as the end product because the plant is ultimately infused with these energies and this same energy is also consumed along with the plant itself. This is one of the many reasons why I always make sure that my products are sourced from places that share values of respect towards not only the plant, but also towards the environment and communities.
/hōˈlistik/
*characterized by comprehension of the parts of something as intimately interconnected and explicable only by reference to the whole.
*characterized by the treatment of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the physical symptoms of a disease.
It felt appropriate to start this post by referencing the definitions of the word holistic, which are often times misunderstood or not understood at all. From this we can begin our exploration of the word and what it really means.
I am a very Type A, “by the book” kind of person and have always felt that whenever a doctor or medical professional asked me about my personal life, that they were only doing it out of kindness or just because they wanted to be social. I had the belief for most of my life, that their job was limited to understanding your symptoms and ailments and provide solutions for them; nothing more. In fact, it felt a little weird and even invasive of my privacy when someone dared to ask; “how are things at home?”. Until some years back, when I really started observing and understanding the correlation between our environment, social interactions, mind, emotions and even our own unique nature and how all of this has a direct effect on our well-being or dis-eases in general.
I had never broken any bones before, until a few years ago when I broke both feet. Twice. In a row. They were stress fractures and it happened while running. Mind you, I am a person that exercises vigorously on a daily basis and nothing even remotely similar had ever happened to me before. I was not doing anything new or crazy and still, my feet kept “breaking”. I went to an excellent orthopedist both times and after learning that the fracture would resolve on its own, I could not believe that he never thought of asking me about my life; what was going on, if I was doing ok or even inquire about my diet and calcium intake. To him, I was just a broken bone and nothing else mattered. Or at least, that’s how I felt. I just don’t understand why he didn’t see the importance of going beyond a physical symptom or occurrence when treating me, especially after having this happen one time after another.
After seeing him, I went to see a fellow herbalist –my teacher at that time- and her prescriptions were, aside from vitamin D and calcium, massages, therapy, calm environments and meditation. She came to these conclusions after we had a long conversation about what was going on in my life at that point, and sure enough, we discovered that these fractures had an energetic meaning that had little to do with the actual exercise that I was performing. They had more to do with the place where I was emotionally and so her prescriptions also went beyond the medical and scientific field. We explored together the different factors that could be contributing to the fractures and worked on a plan of action. I must say it did feel great to be treated like a whole person and not just like a broken foot. Aside from feeling understood and cared for, it just made more sense to analyze all the factors that could be contributing to my fractures and that to me, seemed inexplicable.
I want to make it very clear that in writing this post, my intention is not to imply that western doctors are doing it all wrong. On the contrary, I admire their work and I am always in awe of their vast knowledge and perceptiveness. I am also in awe of the wonderful and mind-blowing advancements of modern medicine. I am merely pointing out the importance of thinking holistically, and this responsibility lies not only on the doctor or medical professional, but on the patient as well. Especially in these times where information is readily available to us at the touch of a screen. Knowledge is power, and we should take as active a role in our health management as the professionals that are treating us, because no one knows us better than, well, us. And no one knows the reality of our environment, situation, emotional state and condition better than us.
This reminds me of an old Disney cartoon clip, where a driver -Goofy- gets behind the wheel, and as soon as he does, he transforms into a bright red, angered monster with a severe case of road rage. And in the middle of his crazy driving adventure, he pops almost an entire bottle of what are sure to be, antacids for his stomach pain. I am sure that almost every single viewer understood the connection between anger and the physical symptoms that usually manifest in the stomach. Why would it be weird then, for the doctor to ask Goofy about his life and situations that could be triggering his rage? We already know intuitively that there is a connection there, and that we are not independent beings or independent body parts. Why not start treating ourselves as such? I always thought that the rest of this clip should include a part where Goofy decides to take action and visits the doctor for his stomach issues. In his consult of course, they discuss his road rage and stress and with this information, they both come up with a plan of action that includes, aside from medication and diet recommendations, anger management techniques and relaxation tools. The doctor, ironically, is Donald Duck.
Another important aspect that comes to mind when I think of the word holistic is the fact that there always seems to be a fad or trend towards health management. Lately this craze is focused on herbs, natural medicine and alternative treatments, health enthusiasts, diet trends, exercise frenzies and more. And this being the great capitalist culture that it is, it takes little to no time before several different products emerge on the market that promise results, nothing short of miraculous with ingredients or routines that “fit all” individuals. A wonderful new diet that works on everyone or a miraculous herb that everyone should take. And because the marketing is so awesome, we buy into it, without even analyzing if it’s something that we, as unique individuals, can benefit from. I do it sometimes, I must admit. Because it sounds wonderful, because it saves me time from doing any type of research and because if it works for everyone else, it must work for me too. I don’t take the time to think that maybe doing crazy exercise routines are not the best thing for my unique metabolism or body type, or even for my age. I am too busy to stop and analyze that maybe gluten is not bad for me at all. I never would have considered if I was not an herbalist, that maybe, the famous herb that promises anti-inflammatory miracles might not be the best one for my unique constitution. Do we even know what “anti-inflammatory” really means in different settings? In most cases, one size doesn’t fit all. According to the ancient teachings of Ayurveda for example, everyone has a unique constitution or Prakruti, and dis-ease comes when the doshas, or energies in our bodies come out of balance. These three energies or doshas vary in predominance from one person to another and one must follow a lifestyle that will maintain good balance between these unique combinations. And so, we cannot expect the energy of a single herb, to be the solution for everyone, because individual constitutions, or energy predominance vary. Simply put, if I tend to have a warm to hot constitution, consuming herbs that are energetically warm or hot in excess, will only aggravate my hot constitution and bring me out of balance, instead of benefiting me in any way. Again, I must emphasize that I think we give away some of our power when it comes to our own health if we stop observing and listening to our bodies and our intuition and our surroundings.
I believe that nutrition and a natural healthy lifestyle are our best defense against dis-ease and as so, it is also an important factor to consider. An example of this is the reason for buying local; it’s not just a nice, cool thing to do. Think about honey for instance; you are probably familiar with the fact that honey is beneficial, amongst many other things, in treating seasonal allergies. But did you know that only local honey will really help with this issue? This is because when you consume local honey, you are ingesting local pollen, and overtime it could help you develop immunity to it. Think about it; how will you benefit from being immune to the pollen in New Zealand when you live in the United States? The same principle applies when eating local fruits and vegetables and focusing on trying to use as much as possible, herbs that are naturally found in the environment where you live. There is a reason why they grow where they grow. They provide you with the nutrients and constituents that you need for that particular climate, altitude, conditions and environment, and even season of the year. Also, when you buy local, you have more control over what you consume as you can inquire about it with your local farmer or vendor. You also help improve your local economy while developing community connections and you help create less environmental impact. And all of this comes from thinking holistically. From analyzing everything as a whole and acting based on these simple yet important considerations.
In conclusion and after reflecting on the word alluded, I dare to recommend that we all become more familiar with the concept of living holistically. That we all become more proactive when it comes to notions such as holistic health, natural living, community, environment, body-mind connection and many more. Because by doing this we benefit not only ourselves, but the people and environment around us. I hope that after reading this post you are more convinced that in our interconnectedness and in our own special uniqueness and individuality, it becomes ever more vital to think and act holistically. For a healthier you, a thriving community, a happy and content Mother Earth and a better tomorrow for all of us.
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There’s always been talk about gratefulness and how good it is. We hear about how it makes us appreciate what we have and how it turns what we have into enough. It is said that being grateful has grounding and healing effects and that gratitude is the glue that holds society and relationships together. It is supposed to be uplifting and life-affirming and it is what keeps the most noble qualities of human kind alive: compassion, generosity, grace, kindness.
To me, gratitude is a powerful emotion that suddenly overcomes me. It is a euphoric feeling of appreciation and happiness that suddenly takes over my mood and it happens at random situations, it doesn’t just happen at times when everything is honky-dory. Gratitude overwhelms me too when I realize that the difficult situation, experience or moment I was going through, brought me closer to a better reality or to a better version of myself. Or even that it just helped me realize how lucky I really am.
So. Why practice gratitude? And how can you practice it? What are the true benefits of being a grateful person? There is a very simple exercise that I do every now and then, when I am feeling less that grateful and more like bitter which, let’s face it; happens often. In these situations, I like to sit down with a pen and paper and just start writing about everything -and I mean everything- that comes to mind regarding moments that make me feel grateful. I don’t just focus on the big things either, it could be anything. It looks a little bit like this;
I am grateful for music, because it is the cheapest form of therapy, the safest remedy, the best healer and the timeless, ageless companion; little did The Beatles know when they recorded “Here Comes the Sun” in 1969 that it would still bring four decades later, a huge smile to someone’s face. Shout out to the approximate 70 trillion cells in my body whose sole purpose of existence is to serve just me. I thank my kid’s bus driver who every morning has a huge smile on his face and has the best attitude of anyone I’ve met. I am grateful to the Rocky Mountains because they move and inspire me in so many ways. I feel like I need to thank tortillas, because they are delicious and so awesomely versatile; they could be tacos (soft or crunchy), tostadas, chips, gorditas, and much more. I am grateful for a local cookie shop in Colorado that operates under the rule of the “honor system”, for making me believe in human goodness again. I am grateful for my Christmas tree lights that only work when I shake them; I feel like we have a special relationship. I thank the spanish speaking patient who inconspicuously shared her ancestral secret recipe for beans while at a medical appointment in my job as an Interpreter. I am grateful for mean people because they remind me of who I don’t want to be. I appreciate conversations with older people that want to share stories and experiences with me. I am thankful for my kids who are my wisest teachers and toughest judges; they are the reason why I strive to better myself everyday and contribute to this beautiful world that they will inherit. I am grateful to my Herbalist teacher and mentor in California for her genuine selflessness, because it is so rare to find these days. I appreciate my parents every day and even more so after I had children of my own. I thank Rumi and other poets like him for his wisdom and insightfulness as they inspire me daily. I am grateful to be a woman because amongst many other things, it allowed me to give birth twice and go through one of the most magical experiences of my life. I want to thank who ever invented deodorants; the world is a better place when we are not stinky hot messes! I am grateful for curse words, because they give me relief when I feel like I am about to lose it. I am grateful for my Mexican heritage because I feel infused with so much culture, richness and ancestral wisdom. I am grateful for high heels because they make me feel so chic and glamorous. But mostly, I am grateful for that moment when I get to take them off. I am grateful for the difficult lessons because they embellish and polish me. Shout out to bacon because, well; bacon. I am thankful for breakfast because it is my favorite meal of the day and for belly aches after large meals, because they remind me that my stomach is approximately the size of my fist. I am thankful for annoying people because they teach me patience. I am grateful for rainy days, because they make me appreciate the sunny ones. Shout out to rainbows because they are awesome. I really appreciate good hair days because they don’t come very often. I am thankful for my iPhone; this epic little piece of technology makes my life so much easier. I am also grateful for those moments when my iPhone is off or out of reach. I feel so grateful for moments when I feel most creative and when I realize that the human mind is an ocean of possibilities. I am grateful for pajamas; I cannot say enough about how great they are. I am grateful for strangers that treat me like family, and for family members who treat me like a stranger. I am grateful to be able to live in the United States where immigrants like myself make it so rich, diverse and interesting and add to the most varied culinary experiences. I am grateful for the Debbie Downers of the world, because they keep us, the naïve, hopeful dreamers, grounded. I am grateful for the moment when that epic song comes on in the car and you get to sing it like your life depended on it. I am thankful for long hikes and nature walks because they remind me of how interconnected everything is and of how small I am in the big picture of things. I am grateful for warm cups of tea in calm moments of introspection. I am grateful for tiny hands curled up inside mine. I feel gratitude for long laughs and good cries, new friends and familiar faces, soft kisses and big hugs, long talks, patio lights, barbecues, piñatas, chocolate, churros, wine, fireflies, ajolotes, skiing, yoga, sad movies, dancing, mariachis, good food, good company, babies, massages, pan de muerto, good morning texts, antiques, Christmas morning, Day of the Dead and Thanksgiving dinner. I am grateful for each person that has crossed my path. I am grateful for what I was, for what I am and for what I am becoming and for every single serendipitous event in my life that brought me to where I am today.
I could go on with this list for days, but I think you get the main idea. What it makes me realize is that life really is about living in the now. Being grateful helps us be aware of every moment in our lives and it helps us realize that in the end, even the crappy ones are good ones. Grateful people understand that when you live acknowledging everything that you receive and when you can still be amazed at the little things, you find happiness, contentment and pleasure in the simplest of things and in every moment of your life.
After writing down your gratitude list, what more do you ask for? what more do you need? Nothing, is the answer. And that is what gratefulness does.
]]>I am, by no means an expert in politics. I do not even like to engage in topics related to politics. Lately however, I find this very hard to avoid. As a minority in this country, a single mother of two, an immigrant, proud Mexican and grateful US citizen, I am running out of explanations for my kids regarding the latest events. There seems to be a collective feeling of despair, fear, loneliness and hate. It seems that unity is slipping from our hands and that we are becoming more distant and uncaring. In a world that has come so far in so many areas, we still have much to learn in terms of coexistence, love, peace, unity, kindness and universal brotherhood.
I am running out of resources to explain to my children that this is not the way. With a very clear understanding that "it takes a village to raise a child", I am finding it very difficult to shield them from prejudice, wrong preconceptions and judgements that contribute to collective fear and hate. And even more difficult to expose them to the values, morals and actions that will help raise well-rounded individuals. I try to encourage and praise the acts of kindness and love that come so naturally to them and that are innate to all human beings. And I also try to contribute by teaching them that it all starts with one self. When one individual vibrates in the frequency of love and understanding, it makes it easier for others to do so as well. And so the ripple effect goes further and further. But until we understand that it starts with the individual, there is very little that we can do.
A quote from Charlie Chaplin's 1940s movie "The Great Dictator" seems so relevant today;
"We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that. We want to live by each others’ happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone. And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way.
Greed has poisoned men’s souls; has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind.
We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The aeroplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in man; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all.
Even now, my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.
To those who can hear me, I say 'Do not despair'..."
Do not despair, I say too. We have the power in us to make this world a better place. We have to realize that any small change is important, and that "it takes a village". It takes collective effort to make significant changes, but that collective effort starts with the individual. Whenever you feel like complaining about the current sentiment of despair and hate, ask yourself what you can do to make it better. No small act goes unnoticed. Start vibrating in a higher frequency and you will notice the difference. No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. Start with you. Start today. Because there might be someone watching you; a child that will try to immitate your behavior or an adult that might find it contagious to just smile and be kind.
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